Birthday Blues

Today, I am feeling my age. I wasn't bothered at all by turning 30, but now that I have pushed over to 31, I am struggling. I think it didn't help that I was out of breath and hurting after jumping on the trampoline with Ronin. I also went to an aerobics class with my sister tonight and really thought I was going to have a heart attack. It was the hardest class I have EVER been too. Even though the instructors were intense (and probably my age) I think it was so difficult because I'm getting "old". I was the SLOWEST person there, which isn't usually the case and after a few side aches and urges to vomit, I made it out of there vowing to never go back. (good thing I don't live in Utah). 

The problem is that in order to make it through life, I need to go back. I need to get more into shape and I need to get a grip on this age thing.  I feel the time ticking. I feel the panic well up inside of me and I have to push it back. The idea of "ignoring" these feelings and pushing forward makes me panic even more. It doesn't help that the world is falling apart at the seams. The economy is tanking, earthquakes, hurricanes and fires abound, there's a run on rice, corn, flour and gas, I have two kids who depend on me and I just turned 31. *gasp*