The boys in my life

The following post has nothing to do with the pictures posted. I just thought I would warn you...

No, this post is more about life in the day to day. That stuff that just drives you crazy and the stuff that you are just doing because you are living a life. And that usually is the stuff that drives you crazy. But of course we have good things too. Like today I started guitar lessons! Finally, after so many years of wanting to, I finally did it, and I love it. I think its going to be really great. And hopefully I will come out of it a better player. Well, that's the plan of course. So I am forever grateful for this experience. The chance to come here which gives me more time and money to be able to do things like this. Without Analyn here to help, there is no way it would be happening. (or without Patrick working a job so I can pay for it!)

I do feel a little (or a lot) spoiled and almost like I have cheated life. Usually people in my stage of life with little children at home, don't have the time to do this stuff. I feel like I should be at home doing all things domestic, but thanks to Analyn I don't have to be. I can be gone and the dishes still get done, there is fresh bread to eat and the boys are looked after. It doesn't seem fair and I definitely don't feel like I deserve it. So you can see why I feel like I am definitely cheating and that at some point my good luck is going to run out. But like all criminals, I am going to cheat it for as long as I can until it all crumbles around me or until I see the light. Whichever comes first.

Today Ronin got to go on a field trip with school. They went to the Singapore Flyer which is the country's observation tower of sorts. They also went to a museum and a food factory. He got to see how they wrap food in banana leaves. He showed me with a napkin what they do, but he couldn't remember what they wrap inside. They all got one to bring home, but it didn't make it out of the school for some reason. They also got to watch the school talent show and were told to vote online for their favorite. But as usual, no instructions made it home to me so I have no idea what it is all about. He said his favorite was the rap dancer. I am pretty sure he meant break dancer. He also said it was the only boy that was sharing a talent. All the rest were girls. Which seems typical.

Ronin stays late for school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He wakes in the morning at 6 am and I pick him up at 3pm and 4pm respectively. That means by the time I see him, he has held himself together for 9 hours. That's a long time for one kid, especially in this weather. The heat can turn anyones attitude sour within minutes. But even though I am supposed to remember these things, I don't and I feel completely defeated when he has a tantrum, like he did today on the way home. Especially when that tantrum is in the middle of a crowd, right outside of school, where you are the ONLY westerners within miles. It's just down-right embarrassing. This kid is 7. Truly, does he need to keep having tantrums? Aren't they done with that sort of thing by now? Are they EVER done with that sort of thing? Ronin has a lot of girl traits like that. Dramatic, tear dripping traits like that. He is definitely the other girl in the house as far as emotions are concerned. Patrick and I now call him Robin (not to his face!) since the IM chat on our phones self corrects his name to that. It seemed fitting today, even though as I type it, I feel really mean for thinking it. I swear it felt justified and funny at the time (and again, I did not say it to his face!). *sigh*

In other news, the little boys have quickly burned through all the binkies that I brought from the states. Why I didn't think of purchasing a 2 year supply is puzzling. You would think I would remember how long it takes to get them off of these things! Well, I do have 2 left, but I thought I would pick up some new ones and switch them over before we found ourselves in a desperate situation. So I tried to find a similiar shape and size but of course that was impossible. I got close with the one for Levi but decided to get an orthodontic shaped one for Kai. His teeth are SO bad! You would think that I could just wean him now, but I don't know how it would go with Levi having one and I am not ready to wean Levi. One thing at a time, people! Basically, it can be summed up like this: I'm weak!

Ronin said he would help convince Kai to try the new one we bought, which he did and while we had him distracted we took his old one and hid it. He thought it was kind of fun to try the new one at first, but boy oh, boy was bed time difficult. So what we figure is either he will wean himself since he is so sad his old one is gone, or he will bite the bullet and get used to the new one and maybe it will help his teeth re-shift to their normal bite. Either way, its a win win, right? *sigh* again....

Patrick and I realized we have only 5 months until Ronin gets baptized. It's the kind of moment where you realize you are a complete slacker as a parent and you haven't sufficiently prepared your kid for what's to come. You haven't fulfilled your responsibility and you feel a bit blind in moving forward. Kind of like in my bad dreams when I was in college. It always happened that I had the lead in a play and it was opening night. Yet I had never memorized my lines. Panic takes over and I would wake up in a cold sweat. That's how I feel now. What do you do to prepare a young child for that moment? For the promise he will make. That is what occupies most of my mind at any given time. Hopefully I am doing a bit better. Hey, at least I'm thinking about it! And as with the other challenges we are facing with him, I realize the only thing I can do, is put in the work. Each day, bit by bit and it will come together. And then after that, you just do it a little more work. And then more and more.

I know how I feel when I see someone that seems like they have their life so put together, or at least the parts that you don't. You look at them in awe and wonder how in the world you will ever get like that. But in the end you realize, they are just working hard every minute of every day to make it happen. And that is what you need to do. Just do the work. There is no magic potion or quick fix. It is work. Day in and day out. And if you can do that with a bit of joy in your step, then you can reach the true potential that you possess. Or at least I think it goes something like that. I am sure life will slip in and show me where I'm wrong. And that's the fun of it...

Sometimes being the one in charge is just exhausting. Sometimes I want to say to someone, anyone to take over. I want to tell them, "Don't let them fight and throw them some food when they get hungry, and you will be fine!" and then slip out the door unnoticed. But of course that just doesn't happen. Having a live-in helper, or a bigger house or a car or more money doesn't mean you have control of your life and it doesn't necessarily make you a nice mom. Not everyday anyway. Sometimes the only way to the other side of a problem is through it. And when it comes to kids, it's really the only way. And wading through can get messy and tiresome. But regardless it's your mess to wade through, so you might as well pull up your galoshes and get moving. Cause there's a whole line of people waiting behind you.